I’m TWENTY How did That Happen?
So, it’s been about three weeks since I turned Twenty. Since I have not been a teenager. I don’t quite know how I feel about it…
One thing that still gets me, I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. There is nothing stopping me. No laws (obviously there are somethings but I am not talking about committing any crimes, thinking more late night trips to McDonald’s and having cake for dinner), no parents, no teachers, nothing. I could drop out of university (which I don’t think I am going to do) and move to Hawaii. I find it so bazaar that everything is my control now, even though there is some form of responsibility holding me back. So crazy.
When I was very young; around 5,6, I thought being twenty would mean a number of different things.
Firstly I genuinely thought in my little brain that when I was twenty I would be married or getting married. In my head I would be with someone great and marry them, but then I thought the first person you would find would be the one. I was ignorant to the complications of relationships.
I am not saying that I want to be married right this second because I don’t. I am too young and I know that but in my little head back then that’s just how I thought it would go.
And perhaps have a child. Well I wanted twins, a boy and a girl that I could put in matching outfits. The lines on my hand told me so, therefore I thought it was actually going to happen. In those days having twins was as easy as pressing CTRL, Shift and C and then typing in force twins.
For some reason going into your twenties would mean that automatically you were an adult and would immediately be partnered with a husband and a baby. Makes sense.
20 sounds old to a young brain but it really isn’t.
The truth is though, I can barely look after myself. Sometimes I find myself doing the most stupid things and there is no way I would be able to look after a child. Just yet.
I thought my life would be complete but really I am still putting together the foundation that I can build a life on which I am completely fine with. This is probably going to be the only time in my life where I am going to be able to live like this (like a student) so I might as well enjoy it as much as I can rather than worry about whether I am on the right path, doing the right thing for my age. When I think about it, I am a bit of a mess but it’s a fabulous mess, where I can go out and dance all night and enjoy, wear glitter on my face and put on whatever I want to wear. Where I can have a nervous breakdown every other day and come out on top each time. Where I can make a few mistakes that in the long run will be a funny story. So I think I am on the right track, doing the right thing, I am at university studying for a degree that will hopefully get me a job in the future but part of me still thinks that I am not worthy enough to be the ripe old age of 20.
And I hope when I finally mature that I will be able to stop making stupid decisions and stop being a pushover who lets people walk over me. And also to ignore the judgement, comments and bitchiness of other girls. It will be a good day when I finally realise that having a stick stuck up your bum really isn’t my problem and is probably a reason for that person being a bitch.
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